Why Your Behavior Makes Sense, Even When It Seems to Be Hurting You
Have you ever caught yourself repeating a behavior you know isn't helping you and wondered, "Why do I keep doing this?"
Maybe you avoid difficult conversations, shut down when you're overwhelmed, try to please everyone around you, or procrastinate until the pressure becomes unbearable. You know the behavior isn't working, yet you continue doing it.
What if, instead of asking "What's wrong with me?" you asked, "What is this behavior trying to do for me?"
In this Mental Freedom Moment, Kim Olver explores the Choice Theory® principle that all behavior is purposeful. Even behaviors that create problems may have developed as ways to protect ourselves, maintain relationships, satisfy our needs, or manage uncomfortable emotions.
Kim explains why understanding the purpose behind a behavior doesn't mean excusing it or avoiding responsibility. Instead, understanding gives us information we can use to make different choices.
Sometimes a behavior that helped us navigate yesterday's circumstances becomes an obstacle to what we want today.
In this episode, Kim discusses:
- Why behavior can make sense even when it isn't helping
- How Choice Theory helps us understand purposeful behavior
- Why people-pleasing may develop as a way to maintain connection or feel safe
- How avoidance can provide short-term relief while creating long-term problems
- The adaptive, protective, relational, and regulatory purposes behavior may serve
- Why understanding behavior isn't the same as excusing it
- How curiosity creates opportunities for self-evaluation
- The difference between personal responsibility and self-blame
- How Mental Freedom® helps us recognize choices available today
Questions to Consider
What behavior do you repeatedly choose even though it isn't helping you?
What might that behavior be trying to accomplish for you?
Did it serve a useful purpose at an earlier time in your life?
Is it still the best way you know to get what you want?
What other behavior might help you accomplish the same purpose without the same cost?
